The Simple Things In Marriage

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

It is easy to say that your spouse isn’t doing enough in your marriage. Blaming someone else is an easy copout. Of course, it does take two, but before you start pointing fingers remember that at least three of those fingers are point back at you.

If you feel like your marriage is beginning to lose its luster, consider what you might be doing differently now compared to at the beginning. If you aren’t sure, here are three simple things to consider to gauge how you are doing at being a good spouse.

Dating

Back before the, I do’s, a date had 3 major P’s. It had to be planned, paired off and paid for. Now that you’re married most of your activities seem to fall in these three P’s especially if you don’t have children. Ask yourself though, was this actually planned? Did I try to make this a special time for me and my spouse? If the answer is no then you might need to put in a little more effort.

If you are lucky enough to have children, then that can complicate date night a little. Before you can head out on a romantic evening you have to figure out childcare services. Keep in mind that this is an investment in your relationship. If your marriage is important to you than you will make time, find a baby sitter, and get out with each other every once in a while.

Little Things

Before you were married you probably did lots of little things for your partner. Maybe you wrote a little note that said you loved them or picked up coffee for them because you knew they were having a bad day. Just because you are married now doesn’t mean your spouse doesn’t still want and need those little things in their life. You don’t have to do something grand. Just a simple reminder that you were thinking of them is enough to make their day.

Talking

There are two things that fall under the realm of talking and these are things that you say to your spouse and things that you say to others. Communicating with your spouse is so important, and everyone communicates in a different way. Talking to your spouse is important, but so is listening. Both of you want to be understood and heard. Keep that in mind the next time you are having a discussion.

What you say about your spouse affects how you think and feel. If you spend an afternoon with friends complaining about your spouse it shouldn’t come as a surprise that you’ll come home with a different view of who they are. You talked so much about their faults that those are now all that you can see. Try to talk about them in an encouraging way and your perspective will stay geared towards positive thoughts about your spouse. If you are in an abusive relationship that is a different subject entirely. You need to get out and get help.

For everyone else who has simply fallen “out of love,” just keep in mind that it is a choice. You choose your love and then you continue to choose to love your choice. You are different people and you will continue to change and grow as time goes on. So just think that you get to continue to discover your love as the two of you change and grow together.